Jan 3,2005

My HOPE this New Year…

It’s the first Monday of the year. Wooh! What this day had been to me. New year was not that happy for me. Sometimes I’m wondering why things wont happened the way you plan. Actually I have so many plans for my family and for myself. I am a very positive person. But this beginning of the year makes me hopeless. Yesterday, I had a subtle fight with my father (he’s getting better nowadays).

Actually, my relationship with my father before was not good. We always tend to have some arguments coz I really don’t like his policy. Before, he was a full pledge alcohol drinker and that was the reason why he got sick. We always argue coz he’s not actually doing his part as a father.

He’s nice to other people but not to his family. I am now doing the responsibility that he should do for our family. When he got sick, we (his family) did everything to make him well. We were the one who was whole-heartedly took care of him. We forgot the misunderstanding that we had before. But as days and weeks passed by, I noticed that when my father gets better his usual treatment to us before is happening again.

I saw him shouting to my mother. He treated my mother as his housemaid. I terribly got mad. We again had arguments. Actually, I’m not feeling well since last Thursday. I have cough, colds and flu. But I almost forgot that I am sick due to our dialogue. I want to fight for my beloved mother. I love my father, too. But his action was not acceptable. Sacrifice is enough. I must be strong this time. I cry no more. That’s why this morning when I went to work; I work as hard as I can. I was assigned to tell our two employees that they were already terminated.

Without hesitation, I could able to deliver the words that I should speak to them. I would able to decide as tough as I could. The whole morning I made my Filipina boss to be impressed with me coz I had done my every work effectively. If only she knew, that my strength this time was deepened because of the things that happening to our small home.

Sometimes, I am asking myself too, “Am I a bad daughter?” But this thinking would not help me. I won’t be thinking negative thoughts; I still want to believe that behind the strong typhoon is a rainbow. I know there is HOPE waiting for me.

posted by Mariah : 18:35 | -